Talking Mince

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Recently, on a bit of a whim, I decided to become an Agony Uncle for an Indyref based website. I received literally twos of letters. I thought it’d be a good idea to share one of them with you.

This person was confused about how to vote and was seeking some guidance. Here’s her letter.

“Dear Scott,

I was wondering if you could help me. I really want to perform my democratic right in September and vote in the referendum. However, i’m so confused. You see, I’m not really sure which way to vote.

I’m a bit celebrity-obsessed. I love TOWIE and reading Heat Magazine. Famous people dictate how I dress and talk, and I’m easily influenced by whichever bimbo or brainless slab of meat is the media’s favourite this month.

Recently, I’ve noticed that a lot of famous people have voiced their opinion and it’s now REALLY messing with my tiny brain.

I mean, last week there were 200 that said I should vote No. These people are all really famous and some were even, like doctors and things. One of them I think was called David Starkey or something. Is he related to the Iron Man? Anyway, he said we should stay within the UK and he’s all like dead clever and that cos he’s got letters after his name. So I was ready to do that but then I saw someone on Facebook had put a picture of him on with some really bad photoshopped quotes saying that he didn’t like Scotland. That really confused me because why would he want to keep Britain together if he didn’t like us. Is there more to it than that?

I also recently saw Geraaaard Butler had got involved. I always listen to him because he has muscles and is pretty and that is all that is important in a man. I saw on Facebook that he said he wanted Scotland to be independent. It was a nice picture of him and the font they used for the quote was nice. But then the next day I saw an even nicer picture of him, maybe he had used Lorrea… L’awrea…. that moisturiser he advertises, saying, again a nice font (not Comic Sans) that he was wrong to support independence and was voting No. If he had a vote, that is. You can understand why I get confused. And anyway, whereabouts in Scotland is Sparta?

So I’m awfully confused. I also hear lots of stories on Facebook. And if something is on Facebook, it must be true. I read a story that said that during last week’s debate between Scotland’s King and the man who looks like a badger that people who were voting Yes weren’t allowed into the debate. I thought this was very sad, so I put on my tinfoil hat and cried a little.

But then I saw something else on Twitter. Again, nobody lies or uses proper gander on there. It was a man who’s car had been smashed up a little bit. He said it was because he had a ‘No Thanks’ sticker on it and I believe him. I mean, for what other reason would a car get randomly damaged by a ned off his tits on glue other than because of the referendum. It obvious.

So please could you help me Scott? I really want to vote but I can’t pick what celebrity to believe.

Thanks very much,

Kelly-Marie”

So there you go, folks. I was wondering if you could help me with my reply.

Any thoughts?

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